I am the biggest “failer” I know.
(I don’t mean failure because I’m not a failure. Nobody is a failure – but, boy, I have failed a lot.)
And part of the reason I have failed so much is that I have attempted so much. On the one hand, that sounds really empowered, doesn’t it? I do things that other people may not be willing to try. I won some. I lost some.
But I’ve come to realize that a lot of the times when I tried things and poured my heart into them and they didn’t work out, the reason that they didn’t work out was because I wasn’t being authentic. I was led by other people’s opinions of what was important and what was valuable.
Stuck in a career that didn’t align
Years ago, for example, my first career after university was in finance. This was in the late 80’s and greed was good. Maybe you remember that time. But I think most significantly the reason I went into finance was because my partner at the time saw “money” as the route to money.
I stayed in finance for a long time even though math is not a strong suit. And I struggled. I survived as long as I did in that industry because I leaned into what I am good at, which is writing and teaching complicated concepts, and being of service.
But I had to convince myself every single day to go to work. Even now I feel my body clench up as I think about that time in my life. Finally, by the grace of God, the decision to go to that job was taken away from me.
Learning from failure
I won’t go into every incident in which I allowed myself to pursue an avenue that wasn’t right for me because we’d be here all day. Bottom lining it: For a long time, my life was a series of following other people’s definitions of what success in life “should” be: In relationships, in career, in investing in business coaches to learn their sure-fire strategies for entrepreneurial mastery.
And each time I did this, and gave my power away to someone or something else, and not being authentic – guess what? It didn’t work. I “failed.”
I had to figure out what’s best for me. How to embrace my authentic self and find my own path. My own way of Being.
It’s not super easy for women to do. Since we were young, we were told how to look, how to act, how to think (and not to feel) and how to survive in a world that doesn’t see us. This is why so many women struggle with breaking free from societal norms and expectations.
No wonder we feel like imposters.
No wonder we feel like we’re not “doing it right.”
No wonder we’re exhausted. And cranky. And at our limit.
Letting go of expectations
When I finally hit my limit, I stopped looking outward. I realized the reason I didn’t feel like a success (despite how it may have looked to others) was because I was subconsciously ruled by other peoples’ perceptions of life. (And most of them are doing the same thing! Modern life has become a series of reflections also reflecting other people’s opinions. Like a giant disco ball floating in the air with no grounding in reality. No wonder things can feel so hollow and fragile!)
I realized the first thing I had to do was figure out who I am. What I like. What I want. How I want to feel. What legacy I want to create. How to use my gifts to be of service to others. How to be authentic.
Embracing your authentic self
I think being authentic is the most powerful thing we can do, which is why it can feel so daunting. (And if you feel this way: remember that you get to control the pace of your un-becoming as you let go of other people’s expectations and remember who you were before the world started bossing you around.)
I’ve come to realize that learning how to be authentic is part of my life path. My mission is to share what I learn with other women. Because I truly believe our true “life purpose” is to be authentic, to be the essential puzzle piece that will help make the big picture come into focus.
Let me know what this brings up for you!
Lisa
PS I know this is a long post, and I thank you for reading to the end. But you know what? Short posts don’t allow deep conversation and connection, and that’s what I want when I’m tapped in to my divine feminine energy. In other words? Long posts allow me to be authentic.
PPS Explore my free resources to help you embrace your divine feminine power and align with your authentic self.